If you haven’t read my last blog about the consoles themselves, read it here. I will not be talking about which is a better system, which one looks better, or how many teraflops you can shove up your ass in this blog. This is strictly about the games shown in the PlayStation and Xbox showcases this summer.

Like I said in my last blog regarding the Xbox SE(ries)X and PS5, to me, console wars ultimately come down to the games. I do not buy a console because it looks like a XXL router or a big black box of doom. Hell, if specs and controllers and all that shit really matter as much as the fanboys say it does then I would have skipped every Nintendo console since the SNES. The N64’s controller sucks, the Gamecube is a fucking cube, the Wii remote is a jerk off simulator, the Wii U is a console with an iPad as it’s controller, and the Switch is a portable PS3 with detachable controllers for people with tiny hands.

Let’s actually be honest with ourselves here: we buy consoles for the games that we can play on them.

Let me repeat that: we buy consoles for the GAMES that we can play on them.

As long as the console is capable of meeting the industry standard for that year (and the Switch is barely squeaking by), then we’re all fine. What really determines whether I buy a console is what exclusive titles are being made for them. I bought a Nintendo Switch in 2017 because I literally was going insane every day that went by that I couldn’t play Super Mario Odyssey or Breath of the Wild. I bought a PS4 in 2015 because I wanted to play The Last of Us and Bloodborne. And I bought an Xbox One because I wanted to be disappointed by how absolutely garbage Halo 5 and Gears 4/5 were…with all my Xbox friends I’ve made over the last 10 years yayyyy.

And now in 2020, as the new consoles are about to be released, that is what I am looking for. I already own a PC that is going to outrun any of these new consoles easily. I have ways to chat with any of my friends through their party chat services. So literally the only thing that matters to me is this: what are PlayStation and Xbox going to release that I cannot play on anything other than their consoles?

First up, Xbox.

Xbox Series X

Xbox Series X | Xbox

*There is nothing here*

Thank you Xbox.

And now, Playstation.

PlayStation 5

Sony Denies PlayStation 5 Pre-Order Rumors | Den of Geek

Demon Souls Remake

Horizon: Forbidden West

Ratchet and Clank: Rift Apart

Spider-Man: Miles Morales

Now before all you Xbox cucks start tweeting at me, I am kidding…kind of. Obviously, there are games announced in Xbox’s conference that you can’t play on PlayStation and games announced in Playstation you can’t play on Xbox. And yes, most people do not own a PC AND a console. Usually people just pick one console and suck it up. But I want to make a point here, a point that many of these Xbox fanboys really just don’t seem to understand anymore.

There is absolutely no reason to pay $700+ for the Xbox Series X when you can get a PC for the same price, other than wanting to sit on your couch instead of an office/gaming chair.

There really isn’t.

There used to be. Halo used to be the reason but now the franchise is on its last legs and it’s also cross-platform with PC. Gears was a supporting member of Xbox’s exclusive library but it’s fallen off a steep decline since Epic left the franchise and it also is cross-platform with PC. And every single game revealed during Xbox’s Game Showcase today is also cross-platform on PC.

Except Crossfire X. Which looks dope. We’ll get to that on Monday.

Today’s showcase was the most important press conference in Xbox’s history. Think about it like the poker scene from Casino Royal. Everyone else’s cards are already on the table. Nintendo went first and showed a weak two pair of Pokemon MOBA and JRPG shit. Google got too drunk and forgot to show up so thier cards were mucked. And PlayStation showed a strong four of a kind with four extremely compelling exclusives that are not playable on any piece of technology other than a PlayStation 5.

Phil Spencer and Xbox were last to show their hand. But instead of playing the sly James Bond and showing an incredible mindblowing straight flush, they played the Austin Powers move and lost with a full house.

I’m gonna dig deeper into the games revealed for both consoles on Monday’s blog, but obviously I, like many others, was very underwhelmed by the Xbox Games Showcase today.