Who knew playing arguably the most popular game on the planet for 1000 hours would kinda ruin gaming for me?

I don’t know how it started. It’s all kinda a blur.

Someone invited me to play way back when, I stumbled around with different champs for a while, and next thing you know it I’m eating beef jerky for dinner for a week because I spent too much money on skins.

This game sneaks into your life, festers quietly for a while, then latches on tightly like the tapeworms in my dog’s doo-doo last week (yep if I have to live through that nightmare you do too motherfucker).

And it’s not until you’re fully addicted to that orgasmic feeling you get when you hard carry and absolutely shitstomp the other team that you realize:

This game has literally the most toxic asshole community on the planet.

I know out of the 180 million people playing this game, there’s gotta be some normal human beings that want to win or at least have fun every game.

Well where in the FUCK are they bro? Do they exist?

I’m just queuing up with the scum of the earth. Tryhard smurfs that bitch at you for not knowing where you should be every millisecond of the game, the pinglords that think every time they die its because the nearest person wasn’t there too, Yuumi players, etc.

At first, you try to ignore them. Just zone it out, win the game, and shove it in their face at the end of the game when you have a higher grade. That’s how you shut up teammates in other games that are just addicted to talking shit, right?

That’s you arrive at the next revelation: you don’t win this fucking game.

Obviously, starting a title nearly a decade after its release puts you way behind the learning curve. Add to the fact that it’s also the most-watched esport in the world and there’s a billion champs and mechanics and combos and items and yea, it’s not exactly easy to be good at that game.

So all that to say: I’m in iron. Like, rock bottom.

And you know who else is in iron? Smurfs. A fuck ton of them. And streamers. And assholes.

It is literally the worst cesspool of humans I’ve ever encountered. The homeless heroin addicts I need to kick off my front porch occasionally do not compare to a 17-year-old with his mom’s credit card number and nothing to lose.

For every game I win and have fun, there are 5 that are the worst 25-60 minutes of gaming in my life.

And eventually, you grow numb to it. And stop caring about losing. And human beings. And life.

And now, I’m playing through Elden Ring dying left and right losing 17000 runes and not recovering them because this stupid fucking game has conditioned me to not give a fuck about dying but I KEEP NOT GIVING A FUCK ON MY WAY TO GET MY RUNES AND DYING. I AM WASTING HOURS OF MY LIFE REPLAYING THROUGH AREaS OF THIS GAME.

And that is why I am writing my first blog in 6 months.