As per usual, here’s my preview of the movies coming out next month:

IT: Chapter 2 (Sept. 9th)

Words cannot describe how excited I am for this film. It’s my must see for the month. The first film was incredible, with great performances by all the kids involved, as well as Bill Skarsgard taking on the role of Pennywise. Andy Musschietti did an excellent job balancing the tone of the film between horror and coming-of-age, giving the final product almost a “Stranger Things” vibe. But now, we’re here for Part 2, and the cast is stacked. James McAvoy, Jessica Chastain, Bill Hader, the Old Spice guy (yep, not a joke); the studio had no problem casting major star power in these roles. And we will still see some new scenes utilizing the child actors portraying the younger versions of the Loser’s Club. I know I’ve whiffed on my last 3 “must see” movies, but I really don’t see how they could fuck this up. See IT.

The Goldfinch (Sept. 13th)

I would be willing to be a ton of money that 90% of the people reading this haven’t heard of this film. And I don’t blame you, because up until about 20 minutes ago neither had I. But I think it has the potential to be a hidden gem. It’s based on a Pultzer Prize winning book, where a young man’s troubled childhood drives him into a world of crime. The cast is led by Ansel Elgort (Baby Driver), and rounded out by Nicole Kidman (duh), Finn Wolfhard (Stranger Things), Sarah Paulson (American Horror Story), and Luke Wilson (Owen Wilson’s brother). Also, the director is very good, most recently directing Brooklyn, which was nominated for numerous Academy Awards including Best Picture. I wouldn’t see it in theaters personally, but Amazon owns the streaming rights so keep an eye out for it if you’re a Prime member.

Downtown Abbey (Sept. 13th)

I personally could not give two flying monkey fucks about this movie, but there’s a loyal fanbase of people who wish they were rich British assholes so I guess I gotta talk about it. I will say one thing: don’t walk into it with high expectations. TV shows are a completely different medium than film, and its easy to move from one to the other. One of my favorite shows of all time is Entourage, and while I personally enjoyed the film, I could also tell it was rushed. But for many fans, all they want is just a little bit more of their favorite series; like when you nut and she keeps on sucking. HA, didn’t see that coming did ya? Dropped a big ole innuendo outta nowhere. That’s why you read everything I write; you never know when I gonna surprise you like a dick slap to the face.

Hustlers (Sept. 13th)

Hoochie. Mama.

There’s no way to sugar coat it: this movie is going to suck. But, it also has J-Lo, Cardi B, Keke Palmer, the girl from Crazy Rich Asians, and the blonde smokeshow from Riverdale all playing as strippers. Sure they’re scamming a bunch of rich (probably white) guys out of a ton of money, and the film looks like it’s trying to be a female empowerment action film, but there’s also this fact that they’re all playing as strippers. Let your girlfriend “convince” you to see this film. Maybe she’ll learn some new moves for later that night…

Ad Astra (Sept. 20th)

Alright all you space junkies, strap in because you’re gonna want to mark this date on your calendars. The easy sell is “its Brad Pitt in space”, but there is so much more to this film. Start with the director: James Gray. You want to know a fact that I love? The fact that he hasn’t directed a film in the last decade that has a rating lower than 80% on Rotten Tomatoes. You know what else I love? That he stated in 2016 when the project was announced that he wanted to depict “the most realistic depiction of space travel that’s been put in a movie”. Oh, and the cinematography will be done by the guy who did Interstellar and Dunkirk. Yup, sold. Done. Take my money.

Rambo: Last Blood (Sept. 20th)

I know what everyone is thinking: “Great…another action film by an old guy who just can’t hang it up.” And to be honest, yes I am thinking the exact same thing. I would normally take a film like this and absolutely shred it to bits, but I also have to say I highly respect Sylvester Stallone both as an actor and as a man. Go watch him describe how he made it in show business with Rocky. Now add to that the fact that 43 years later he is still writing his own screenplay for a character he loves playing. While we may all be looking at this as a studio or Hollywood move to scrape every penny out of that franchise, I’m not completely sure that’s what Syl wants. I still don’t have any confidence this will be any good, but I will probably watch it when it comes out on a streaming service.