Guys, this has been a fucking incredible week. In last week’s QTE’s, I talked about how I will be attempting to attain credentials next year for E3 2020, and that it would require PartyChat to grow exponentially between now and next June. You motherfuckers responded in droves. This week, we’ve hit an all-time high in both daily and weekly page views and visitors, making this the biggest month in PartyChat’s history. So, from the bottom of whatever is left of my heart, I say thank you. But we’re not done yet. We’re just getting fucking started. There is so much more I have planned for this site and I cannot wait to share it with you in the upcoming months. Stay tuned, things are about to get mental.
Let’s dive into this week’s news:
Tuesday’s “Inside Xbox” was a complete waste of time
Surprise surprise; yet again, PlayStation has outperformed Xbox. Both companies held press conferences on Tuesday, with PlayStation bringing a new trailer for The Last of Us Part II and a release date of February 21, 2020. What did Xbox bring? A bunch of shit most of us don’t care about. There were two highlights to the hour-long snoozefest: a deep dive into The Outer Worlds, and the above segment on Project xCloud. While The Outer Worlds segment was OK, I have no fucking clue what Xbox thinks they’re going to gain from this xCloud preview in October. First, it’s only available for phones and tablets, and they have to be running Android software. I get that Microsoft and Apple aren’t exactly best buds, but you just cut your test audience by over half with that restriction. Second, look at the games that are going to be tested: Halo 5, Gears 5, Sea of Thieves, and Killer Instinct. In what fucking world is anyone going to play any of these games on a tiny ass screen instead of on their console? I’m not unreasonable; I understand that they’re probably just trying to see how complex games will perform on mobile platforms. But dear fucking god throw in something that we actually would play for over 10 minutes! Swing and a miss Xbox. You got cucked yet again.
Also, who the fuck are these people???
This game is so overrated it’s honestly laughable at this point. As videogamedunkey put it: “Gears of War 4 and 5 are essentially Xbox 360 games with a fresh coat of paint”. So how much money did Microsoft have to pay all these fucking idiots to say that Gears 5 is not only an excellent game but one of the best games on Xbox One? I mean look at these fucking reviews?!? Gears 5 is not that fun. The story is mediocre at best, the multiplayer is still gnasher vs. gnasher (and very ping dependent), and the Horde and Escape modes are just fluffer. If I didn’t have the Game Pass, I wouldn’t be touching this game. In fact, I want to meet the people who are writing this shit. I issue an official challenge: debate me. If you have published an article or video that states that Gears 5 is good, DM me on Twitter. We can do it live on Twitch or Mixer. Who’s brave enough to step into the ring with The Unfiltered Nerd?
Mario Kart Tour isn’t too bad, but some people are really struggling
Nintendo’s newest mobile venture, Mario Kart Tour, was released on Wednesday to mixed reviews. While I’ve definitely played better mobile games, it really isn’t too bad once you get the hang of the controls. I will say it took me about 5 races to figure out how to not run into a wall over and over because the turning is very odd (which spawned all the memes in the above article). I don’t really understand the decision to make a mobile racing game that only runs in vertical mode. But it’s Nintendo guys; they’re known for doing weird unexplainable shit. It’s not perfect, but it’s much better than playing all the ad-filled flash games that have flooded the market in the past 5 years.
Some unfortunate news about The Last of Us II…
The fact that Factions was even good in the first place was a miracle. Most games that are heavily focused on the single-player campaign just throw together some sloppy effort at multiplayer that is never good (see Batman: Arkham, Tomb Raider, and Far Cry 5). But Naughty Dog actually put some time into polishing the Factions mode in the first game, to the point where it was actually fun and compelling to play. I probably put just as many hours, if not more, into Factions as I did in the campaign and DLC combined. And while I’m slightly disappointed in this announcement, I know that Naughty Dog already has it’s hands full. This not only might be the best game of 2020, it might be the best game of all time when it’s released. The mechanics look so fluid, so realistic, that at times I wonder if we’re actually watching gameplay in these trailers. And the story is going to be the darkest and grittiest in the history of video game media. Maybe we’ll get lucky and they’ll add multiplayer when the PS5 is launched, but even if they don’t, this game will worth every bit of it’s $60 value for years to come.
“Joker” is causing a whole lot of mayhem in the real world
I hate this shit. Basically, there are people on social media and “the dark web” that are talking about shooting up a theater during opening weekend for Joker. So for all you fucks that are upset about your privacy being invaded by Facebook and our government? You’re welcome. You might not die next weekend. But there’s something else I want to touch on that’s been circling the internet over the last few days. All over Twitter and Hollywood media, there are people saying that Joker is a “dangerous movie”, with some even questioning whether a film like this should even be made. Hey Karen, shut the fuck up. Director Todd Phillips said it best:
“The movie still takes place in a fictional world. It can have real-world implications, opinions, but it’s a fictional character in a fictional world that’s been around for 80 years. The one that bugs me more is the toxic white male thing when you go, ‘Oh, I just saw “John Wick 3.”‘ He’s a white male who kills 300 people and everybody’s laughing and hooting and hollering. Why does this movie get held to different standards? It honestly doesn’t make sense to me.”
While I hope and pray that nothing this evil happens next weekend, you can’t blame the art if it does. Hopefully, movie theaters take the threats seriously and put up some safeguards. Hell, I’d be fine if they added extra security and patted everyone down at the door. I still plan on seeing the film opening weekend.
