Well cover me in salt and lick my asshole, E3 is only 3 days away! With leaks and announcements beginning now, there’s a ton of news to cover, so let’s dive right in:

Uncharted film set to release in December 2020

I know, I know, video game movies suck. Believe me, no one is more aware of that fact than yours truly. I wrote a whole damn blog about it a few months ago, and I recently “fixed” the Sonic the Hedgehog film. But hear me out: there’s a reason for some optimism on this one. First, you’ve got Tom Holland starring as a young Nathan Drake, before the events of Uncharted. Here’s the shortlist for Sully, Drake’s mentor: Chris Hemsworth, Matthew McConaughey, Chris Pine, and Woody Harrelson. Personally, I like Hemsworth for the role, with McConaughey as a close second. Either way, this film is about to pack some massive star power. Add in a very good director in Dan Trachtenberg, who’s not only directed video game based media like “Portal: No Escape” and Black Mirror episode “Playtest“, he’s also directed the massive hit 10 Cloverfield Lane. The stars are aligning for a successful video game film. Can’t wait for a trailer, which may come as soon as Comic-Con in July.

Watch Dogs Legions announced, as predicted

I fucking called it. It made so much sense for this to be one of the AAA games Ubisoft is going to release before March 2020. And while I haven’t played any of them, I’m very interested in this title. It’s almost like how Ubisoft took Assassin’s Creed 2 and then made their best Assassin’s Creed title ever: Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood. Want to control your own giant group of hackers? Want to do it in a cyberpunk version of London? Well Ubisoft is giving it all to us, and man I couldn’t have nailed that prediction any better. God I really am just the fucking best. King me.

Sony won’t let games of service destroy the industry

Thank. You. Sony. I love them. I don’t buy any of their systems, I don’t give them a cent of my money, but they deserve every single ounce of praise. In an era where companies are doing everything in their power to replicate the financial juggernaut that is Fortnite, Sony is staying true to what they have done best generation after generation: story based games. God bless you Sony. (And God, while you’re at it, can you send my idiot bastard friends who still won’t fucking switch over to the best console in gaming to hell? Thanks.)

Darksiders Genesis announced, coming 2019

I’ve played through about half of Darksiders 2, and I honestly was surprised at how fun it was. I went into the game thinking it would be a God of War style hack-and-slash, but it ended up being more like a 3D Zelda style game. Well, after Darksiders 3 disappointed, they’ve chosen to spin off the series and take a Diablo style approach. Brace yourself: I’ve never played Diablo. It doesn’t really interest me. But I still see many of my friends playing Diablo 3, so maybe this game will help fufill their dungeon crawler desires until *gasp* Diablo 4. (see below).

What in the fuck is going on with Pokemon Sword and Shield?

Ok, am I the only one who thinks the two title Pokemon look stupid as fuck? I mean come on you Japs. You really had to steal the Great Grey Wolf from Dark Souls and turn him into a Pokemon? I mean did he find that sword? Was he born with it in his mouth and it’s attached to his tongue? What happens if he drops it? And what the fuck is the shield faced lion? Don’t get me wrong, I am still very excited for this game. I think many of the changes are going to be interesting, the new world looks amazing, and the giant Pokemon battles look epic. I just think that maybe someone should have hired the meme police before creating two weird ass title characters.

Blizzard is making Diablo 4 and Overwatch 2

This really might be the biggest news of the week. First off, a Starcraft FPS sounds absolutely badass. All the classes of StarCraft already look great from a top down view. Could you imagine what they’d look like in a polished FPS? It would be a huge rival to every sci-fi FPS, including the Halo series. Unfortunately, we will never see it come to fruition. It is nice to know in a time where video game creators are under a high level of scrutiny, that no one was layed off from the cancellation. Instead, they get the honor of working on two of the biggest titles in the next few years. Let’s start with Diablo 4. We’ve already known that this was in the works since last year. I mean, why wouldn’t it be? Outside of World of Warcraft, it’s been the company’s best selling franchise. And we haven’t had a new title in almost 7 years. This was already expected to be announced at BlizzCon this November. What no one was expecting is Overwatch 2. It’s crazy, I was just thinking about this last week. With the next generation of consoles coming soon, would Blizzard just port to the next gen or release a brand new Overwatch game? In my head, I thought they would take the former, but I’m extremely excited to see that there will be a brand new game. There’s some rumors going around that there will be a large PvE element, which I would imagine will be like the annual archive events but longer and bigger (i know where you’re head is, just finish reading this before going deep into a porn hole). Hopefully, that means we get a deeper story, because the whole Overwatch universe is very interesting and I’d love to see more.

That’s all for QTE’s this week. We have a big weekend ahead with E3 conferences starting up on Saturday with EA Play at 12:15 ET. Stay tuned here and follow along with me on Twitter (@UnfilteredNerd).