If there’s one thing everyone will remember the current console generation for, it will be the wonderful noises that they make during a long gaming session. The PlayStation 4 has this cool feature where as soon as you turn it on, it turns into a jet engine except after an hour of playing that jet engine is inside of a wind tunnel that is falling off of Mt. Machu Picchu. The Xbox One, while slightly quieter at startup, has a completely different noise that sound like waves crashing gently against the sand of a hidden beach in Bali, Indonesia except 10 seconds later those waves are 10,000 feet tall and the sand is actually one billion seagulls trapped in a giant fishbowl filled with the tears of the lost soldiers from the Battle of Bunker Hill.
And as we head into a new generation, the question at the front of all our minds is a simple one: will PlayStation and Xbox finally learn how to create a piece of gaming hardware that doesn’t distract the player from playing the game?
The answer: yes…kind of.
According to a bunch of journalists and influencers who have clearly sold their souls to the dog from the old Taco Bell commercials to get their hands on the new Xbox Series X ahead of it’s November launch, the console is pretty quiet. Like noticeably quiet. Like you’ve never heard something so quiet in your life.
But that quietness comes with a price: it’s hot. Like really hot. Like
But just how hot you might ask? How hot is too hot? How many hots could a xbox hot is an xbox could hot x?
Well, in the interest of informing cool cats and kittens around the world, I have researched an compiled a list of objects the Xbox Series X is hotter than.
Note: this list is based on real-world data that has been reported by the same scientists at NASA who study climate change and global warming, and have thoroughly tested and measured the Xbox Series X’s heat emissions in response to concerns regarding the safety of our planet.
A small ceramic space heater
A wood burning furnace
The Human Torch
Kermit The Frog
So as you can see, you should probably buy a freezer to store your Xbox Series X upon arrival because it’s fire burnin fire burnin on the dance floor.
Can’t wait to see the report on the PS5.