My old readers are familiar with this type of blog, but after every big conference (E3, BlizzCon, Gamescon, Teletubbies Worldwide, etc) I used to go through EVERY game that was revealed and give my impression of the trailer/gameplay/concept. And you may say to yourself “um, I can think for myself thank you I don’t need you to tell me what is going to be good or bad.”
WELL TOO DAMN BAD I’M DOING IT ANYWAY.
Obviously, I’m over a month behind on the PS5 reveal but I actually planned it this way. Today is going to be the PS5 games recap/review, and Thursday will be the recap/review of the Xbox Games Showcase.
Before we get started, I think it’s important to know the taste of the person “reviewing” these games because we all have different things we like and dislike in gaming. For instance, I’m a big fan of competitive shooters, action-adventure games, unique and interesting art styles, and games with emotionally charged stories like Life is Strange and GRIS. But on the other hand, I cannot stand most JRPGs (Japanese RPGs like Final Fantasy), strategy games (turn-based and real-time like Civilization or Starcraft), and MMOs (massively multiplayer online games like World of Warcraft). So if I shit on a game of this genre, take that into account.
Ok enough intro we’ve got a whopping 24 GAMES to talk about. Leggo.
Spider-Man: Miles Morales (Holiday 2020)
What a game to kick it all off. I NEVER saw this coming and was absolutely floored with its reveal. Everyone loved Insomniac’s take on Spider-Man in 2017 and this is the perfect title to not only ride the success of 2018’s Into the Spider-Verse film but also to launch with the PS5. Even if it is a shorter title than the 2017 release, seriously: who is going to complain about 8-10 awesome hours of swinging around Manhattan as Miles Morales???
Answer: everyone who doesn’t own a PS5 this Christmas.
Gran Turismo 7 (TBD)
I’ve never really gotten the whole ultra-realistic racing game craze. I mean, I get iRacing; it’s a NASCAR simulator for NASCAR fans. That game makes sense. But Forza and Gran Turismo? Never gotten the hype. But I also wasn’t the kid that got home from school every day, ran to my room, locked the door, and jerked off into a Kleenex at the newest episode of Top Gear. So I have no opinion on this game other than I didn’t care to watch a dude drive around for like 90 seconds. Looks like every other racing trailer I’ve ever seen.
Ratchet and Clank: Rift Apart (TBD)
This is the only game that was revealed during PlayStation’s reveal event that showcased what the next-gen consoles are going to bring: no loading times. At least that’s what the trailer led me to believe. Being able to rift between different planets/environments in the blink of an eye may not seem like an interesting mechanic, but never underestimate Insomniac Games (that’s right, the same studio as Spider-Man). I’m expecting Rift Apart to truly push the PS5’s solid-state drive to the limit.
Just dear god don’t let it turn my PS5 into a jet engine.
I fucking hate cats. I hate them so much. They’re little fur demons that people willingly let live in their homes, claw at their feet, climb and destroy their Christmas trees, shit in a box in their garage and kick it out of their shit box, hide under their beds until they fall asleep and then lay on their face and attempt to suffocate them in their sleep, jump on their face at 4am, destroy their fav-
…I got stuck talking about how much I hate cats again huh. Yea I don’t give a fuck about this game but it looks interesting.
Don’t ask me why, but this game just didn’t resonate with me. I mean it looks like a mashup of Edge of Tomorrow, Alien, and Remnant From the Ashes; all movies and games that I enjoyed. So why does this game still not interest me? Is it because I think Brienne of Tarth is an overrated GOT character? Is it because I feel like I’ve played Prey already and this looks too similar? Is it because every other game seems to have this “deathloop” mechanic now? Idk but I know I’m not buying this game unless it gets incredible reviews.
Sackboy: A Big Adventure (TBD)
This title got some nuts, doesn’t it? I mean, “Sackboy”? Talk about a ballsy move by the LittleBigPlanet team. No matter how good this party platformer is, it will always be tainted by that title. Did no one at Sumo Digital have the brain to just call it LittleBigPlanet 4? Regardless, I still remember how much fun those older games were jumping around user-created levels like little beanbags and I’m sure I’ll partying up and playing Sackboy sometime this fall.
And if you’re not down with that you can suck my sack.
Destruction AllStars (TBD)
WORST. GAME. TITLE. EVER.
Seriously, give me a blunt and 30 minutes and I’ll come up with 50 titles better than this one. But ignoring that, this looks fun as hell. Kinda like Twisted Metal meets Rocket League. But this has to be a free-to-play title. No one is gonna pay any amount of money to try this game out and if it isn’t free-to-play, it’s gonna flop hard. Also without even seeing any gameplay, this game is going to struggle to keep people playing it. This looks exactly like a “pick up and play for 2 hours and then never play it again” title. The dev team better bake in some real staying power otherwise, again, it’s gonna flop hard.
Kena: Bridge of Spirits (Holiday 2020)
No one has ever been able to compete with The Legend of Zelda in the action-adventure, metroidvania genre. No one.
So why do I suddenly think after one trailer that this small indie studio that only has a history of making animated commercials has a chance at beating Nintendo at their own game? Well first off, they made this. And second, I really have no idea. Call it a gut feeling. But I’ll tell you now, my gut is rarely wrong and I really think this might be the game to do it. Very bold move by PlayStation to invest in this team but also it seems like they’re going after Nintendo’s two biggest IPs of this generation. More on that later.
Goodbye Volcano High (2021)
Three words: angsty. dino. furries.
No idea how I feel about this game. On one hand, it looks like a unique art style and emotionally charged story which usually hooks me in. On the other hand, this studio has no track record. Sometimes new studios release something brand new and original, and sometimes they release something that seems like an echo of popular games in that genre. So either this is gonna be an Oxenfree clone with dino furries or a brand new emotional roller coaster…with dino furries. Shoutout furry fans cause they had a mess to clean up after this reveal.
Oddworld: Soulstorm (Holiday 2020)
I’ve never played an Oddworld game and honestly don’t really care about this game, but graphically the trailer looked awesome and that’s about all I have to say about it.
Ghostwire: Tokyo (2021)
INJECT THIS GAME STRAIGHT INTO MY VEINS.
I am shocked that anyone at Xbox let Bethesda make this timed exclusive deal with PlayStation. I mean seriously, this looks like a dark horse Game of the Year contender. The same team that scared the shit out of us with The Evil Within series looks to be upping their game tenfold. The graphics are beautiful, the premise is awesome, and there is nothing else past, present, or future that looks like it. My hype is through the roof of the tallest skyscraper in Tokyo.
JETT: The Far Shore (Holiday 2020)
We know nothing about this game other than it’s a bunch of futuristic dystopian eskimos flying around in rockets and podracers. But it looks like it was made entirely in Dreams (the sandbox game dev game released earlier this year). And that seems pretty cool. Still don’t think I’m gonna play it but yea, cool.
Godfall (Holiday 2020)
I was so out on this game when it was first revealed last year. I mean a “looter slasher”? Not interested. But then this trailer played and I was immediately sold. This is being made by a studio that has previously worked on Destiny 2 and is inspired by one of my favorite fantasy series, The Stormlight Archives. It even looks kinda Dark Souls-y and if they let me play a more forgiving spin on that series with two of my friends, I’m so in.
Solar Ash (2021)
There’s not much to say for this title other than it looks fucking trippy as balls. It’s made by the team that made Hyper Light Drifter but I need to see more to really pass judgement on it. Dig the art style tho.
Hitman 3 (Jan. 2021)
I do not like the Hitman games anymore. I used to like Blood Money and even the linearity of Absolution, but the recent trilogy just has felt so repetitive and restrictive. Also the trailer always looks a million times better than the final product, which seems dumb to point out because that’s true for literally every game, but it really hurts Hitman imo. Not interested.
Astro’s Playroom (Holiday 2020)
Watch the trailer without reading anything below this.
Ok, now watch the trailer and tell me you don’t get a Super Mario Odyssey vibe from this game. No? You’re a psycho. This is what I was alluding to before: PlayStation seems to be making a point with two exclusive titles to go after Nintendo’s best IP’s of this generation. Sure, Astro and Kena will never be able to compete with the iconic star power of Mario and Link. I would be a fool to think that. But can they compete from a gameplay and art direction angle? Absolutely. This game is coming preloaded with every PS5 too so there’s literally no excuse not to try it out (which is what everyone said about U2’s album being preloaded on every iPhone so idk we’ll see if it pays off).
Little Devil Inside (TBD)
Not alot to talk about here other than the Tim Burton-esque art style. Love that multiple games from indie studios are making those types of worlds come to life (Lost in Random is the other title coming soon with the same art style).
NBA 2K21 (Fall 2020)
It’s a sports game with sweat. Gonna be the same game as last year just with unrealistically slimmer Zion Williamson. Moving on…
Bugsnax (Holiday 2020)
Ok, let’s talk about the game that kinda just stole the show. All the Xbox fanboys have made meme after meme about Bugsnax, as have many of the faces of gaming media. And here’s what I’ll say about it: kudos to the marketing team. How do you stand out from a showcase where everyone is looking for the next Uncharted, God of War, and Horizon? Make a catchy kids tune. Every parent has PTSD from that Micky Mouse Clubhouse song that their two-year-old has listened to on repeat for the last 8 months and this genius team took that idea and implanted Bugsnax in the brain of every adult watching.
But I will not be playing this game and I could not give less of a fuck about it.
Demon Souls Remake (TBD)
OOOOOO BOY. We’re going back to the origins of pain. I never played Demon Souls on PS3 and I’m pretty excited to see how the remake holds it’s own over a decade after it’s intial release. Also I’ve seen a bunch of fucking morons on the internet saying “DoEs ThAt mEaN eLdEn RiNg Is GeTtInG dElAyEd?”
No, it is not. This isn’t even being handled by FromSoftware. It’s getting remade by the team that did the Shadow of the Colossus remake, which should get you even more hyped. Cannot wait for it.
Deathloop (Holiday 2020)
If this game confuses the fuck out of you, don’t worry. You’re not alone. Apparently, it’s a singleplayer/multiplayer game from the team behind Dishonored where you play as a black John Wick assassin trapped in a Groundhog Day loop tasked with eliminating 8 people before midnight but if he dies he has to start all over and oh yea ANYONE can invade your game and play as an enemy assassin ruining your whole loop.
Yea. That sounds like a whole lotta shit that’s all gotta be executed perfectly. Good luck Deathloop. I think you’re gonna need it.
Resident Evil 8: Village
A sequel to Resident Evil 7: Biohazard set in a village with werewolves? Say less. See you in 2021.
So Death Stranding 2 looks kinda cool huh? Much better than Walking Simulator 2019 right? I have no idea what this game is going to end up being but Capcom has been on a roll the last two years so I’ll be keeping my eye out for more.
Horizon: Forbidden West (2021)
And way to close with a bang PlayStation. Bravo. No need for an encore.
The art looks beautiful, I love that the scenery is going to change throughout the game like The Last of Us 1, and THEY’RE LETTING YOU PLAY AS A FEMALE LEGOLAS AGAINST A ROBOTIC ELEPHANT LIKE IN RETURN OF THE KING WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT???
Overall, I think PlayStation had a very strong showing. Lots of console exclusives that will sell boxes on their own and plenty of timed exclusives that will support the launch of the console. One thing I learned while researching for this blog is how many of these will also be available on PC, which I really thought PlayStation was going to avoid. Just another reason that everyone should really be investing in a good gaming PC and not another console I guess.
A recap/review of the Xbox Games Showcase is coming Thursday and then we have a pretty calm August before the big triple A releases start coming in waves. Typically what I do in August is do a bunch of Q&A blogs on literally any topic. So if you want to know what I think of certain games, genres, characters, companies, sports teams, MILFs, etc…follow me on Twitter and let me know what question you want answered. See you Thursday!