“Why does my controller keep disconnecting from my console?”
“Why can people see me before I see them?”
“Why does my console crash at least once every day?”
“Why can’t my headset just…work? Without all the bullshit?”
“WHY DOES NO ONE LOVE ME I’M THE NICEST GUY EVER???”
I hear the exact same shit every single night and I simply cannot take it anymore. I have been patient enough. “Filtered” enough, if you will.
But that was a mistake. I let the weak think they were on my level. That they were in close enough range to punch up.
It only took one punch though; one of my boys just texted our group that last night I “condescendingly told him that I can’t connect to his party because I’m on PC and he’s on console with only 30 fps and not even 4K”.
Bitch, you have no idea what you’ve done buddy.
You’ve woken the sleeping giant. Unfiltered Nerd is back and you’re in his crosshairs. Let’s go you fucking mutt.
Now first off, this is simply not true.
Do I have a $1500 gaming PC capable of playing most video games in 4K at 144 frames per second? Yes, I do.
Have I rubbed it in my boys’ faces a few times? Maybe, but not in recent memory.
But let me tell you this: there is not a single night that goes by that I don’t hear them bitch and moan about some issue they’re having with their OG Xbox Ones.
I can’t even begin to count the number of times a night I’ve had to tell them that their $20 headsets are echoing or picking up the fan they no doubt have 3 feet from them blowing directing at their face which is right where the fucking microphone to their fucking headset is.
It’s like these guys think anything you buy is indestructible and will last forever. Do you even remember where technology was at 8 years ago?
In 2013, the year that the Xbox One launched, 4K and VR were just being showcased. They hadn’t even reached commercial use yet i.e. you couldn’t buy a 4K TV or a VR headset. Spotify had just debuted and was invite-only. Amazon showed off a drone that can deliver packages to your door. Smartwatches just starting to roll out. And a former NSA agent informed us all that the US has been using all this tech to spy on us.
There’s a whole lotta shit that has changed tech-wise in the last 8 years. Why did it take that long to release a new console this time? No clue.
But the gap between the 8th (XONE, PS4) and 9th (XSEX, PS5) console generations is one of the largest in video game history. Typically, we have gotten a new console every 5-6 years from these companies, but this time it was 8 years. Granted, most of us still can’t get a new console without becoming an amateur hacker or getting into a fistfight with a 42-year-old Karen, a 20-year war veteran, and a 17-year-old zoomer at our local Target, but that’s a blog for another time.
And to their credit, the 8th generation consoles did get consistent updates and even “tweener models” like the Xbox One X and the PS4 Pro. But still, these consoles are heavily dated and game developers already started building their games for newer tech.
I saw my first hint of it when 2019 GOTY contender Control would freeze and crash my Xbox every hour or so while PC players had no issue. And this trend continued to get worse and worse as games were released in 2020, each having its own technical issues on the older consoles.
I told my boys this. I told them that they were gonna want to make the jump to PC or get a next-gen console ASAP. And what did they choose to spend their money on instead of the hobby that we all spend hours doing every single night?
Girls. That’s right. They chose girls over gaming. And I get to hear them bitch about that every night too.
And I know the number one excuse they’re gonna use right now: you can’t get a next-gen console right now. At least, not easily.
But here’s the thing I know: they wouldn’t buy one right now if they could anyway. They still think that their current consoles are “good enough” and don’t want to spend the money.
But let’s dumb it down and sum it up for the average joes in the back: owning an Xbox One/PS4 today and expecting it to still be working well is like taking Instagram pics with your iPhone 6 expecting it to have the same quality as an iPhone 12.
And then complaining to your friends that your pictures don’t look as good. Every night. Forever.
Cause fuck me, I guess.
And let’s add to the fact that 5-7 times a week you have picked up that controller and headset and used them for hours, and you’ve done this also for 8 years. So your controllers are completely fucked and you’re playing against people using technology that is EXPONENTIALLY BETTER than what you’re using.
Because believe it or not, there are a decent amount of humans on this planet with next-gen consoles and PCs now while you have chosen to stand pat and not change anything about your setup, thinking it won’t effect your gaming.
That’s literally the definition of insanity.
You shouldn’t be bitching at me for using better gaming tech than you, you should be THANKING me for putting you in my backpack EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. You should build an altar and worship me the second you wake up and right before you fall asleep.
Either do that or buy a new gaming device.
And shut the fuck up.
Bitch.
