Yes, I’m talking about Hades, the roguelike RPG from Supergiant Games that has taken the gaming world by storm in the last month since it’s release. You play as Zagreus, the angsty son of the titular God of the Underworld, who wants to trade the dark halls of hell for Mount Olympus. And along the way, he meets some HUNKS.

I mean, I guess that’s just implied when you make a game set in greek mythology; all of the gods are usually hot as fuck. But I ask you this: how the fuck are us average males supposed to compete with that? How?

Answer: we can’t. I’ll live the rest of my days knowing that while I’m lying in bed next to my girlfriend, she won’t be dreaming of me. She’ll be dreaming of the first time she met Dionysus and he told her “you’re smarter when you’re high”.

Damn…#deep…

It’s a sad reality that I will until I myself call the depths of the Underworld. Should that stop me from playing the game?

I’m not sure. I mean it’s a fantastic game. Supergiant Games has always made good indies like Bastion and Pyre, but this one I mean…I’m not sure I can open myself to that type of pain. What if I never recover? What if I too fall under their hunkahunka burning love spell? What if this game changes me?

I’m not sure I’m ready to take that cha-…

um…

*queues pony by ginuwine*