So yea, yesterday was straight fire. Still kinda shook honestly. That was by far the best gaming presser of the year and we really only have one more to go; The Game Awards in December.
I’m not gonna spend a lot of time up here since I dropped close to 10,000 words on the games below, but I’m feeling the blogging itch again so expect more of this shit in the coming weeks.
Disclaimer: these are the personal opinions of a mid-20s cis-gendered straight white male piece of shit that hates jrpgs, most sports games, and thinks not blogging for 5 months is a good way to run a website. You have been warned.
#18 – The Last Deathloop Trailer (Hopefully)
I have no doubt Deathloop will be a good game. I’m not sure it will a great game, but I think it’s gonna be a good game.
But guys, we have seen this game at every single gaming presser for the last 3 years. I am sick of watching Deathloop trailers. I see them in my dreams. And it always ends right before I’m about to get hot and heavy with the girl with the red gloves. This game has given me blue balls for too long and the more delays it’s gotten, the less interested I am in coomi-…I mean buying it.
#17 – Tchia, The Unfortunate Indie
I have no idea how to feel about it this game. Why? Because it had the unfortunate role of being the sole indie in the room for a AAA orgy.
Looking further into it, Tchia actually sounds like an interesting game. It’s being made by two guys that grew up in New Macedonia, which is also where the game is set. It seems kinda like a love letter to their childhood and those types of games are always end up being really good. But again, no one is going to remember it due to the bangers down below.
#16 – Rainbow Six Who Cares
I really don’t understand what Ubisoft is trying to do with this game. The Rainbow Six Siege players are not going to give one fuck about this game (and are actually probably pissed it isn’t a sequel) and there are, like, a dozen Left 4 Dead-like co-op shooters coming out this year. Nothing about this game makes it stand out among the fray to me.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I think Ubisoft is on the downswing. I may be proven completely wrong by this game but I think it’s gonna be another big financial mistake for them just like Ghost Recon Breakpoint. Add in all the sexual misconduct issues and I wouldn’t be surprised if Ubisoft if bought or gone off the face of the planet by 2025.
#15 – Bayonetta 3
So they took a more realistic-looking D’Va and put her in a Bayonetta game huh…
I tweeted this as soon as I saw the trailer but it’s hilarious that someone basically made Bayonetta 3 before Nintendo did. I’m not usually interested in these types of games because I think Devil May Cry 5 is about all you need to play to experience every other button-mashing high combo demon/alien hack n’ slash. Still…booba…
#14 – The Vampire Battle Royale That’s Already Out
This game actually dropped on PC this week and I think I’m gonna try it out tonight. At first, I thought this was just another franchise trying to force a battle royale on their game but I’ve watched a bunch of gameplay now and I’m actually quite intrigued by the Assassin’s Creed meets Fortnite shooting meets hot blood-sucking succubuses thing they got going on.
Granted, if literally ANY of the big AAA monsters of this fall were out right now I wouldn’t be giving this game the time of day, but that’s exactly why they’re dropping it this week. This is the beer you get from the bar while you’re waiting for your table.
#13 – Fast Cars Go Fast 7
I am not a realistic racing sim guy. This game is not for me. If you got a boner from this trailer, happy for you.
#12 – Gas Station Guardians Of The Galaxy
This game, like last year’s Marvel’s Avengers, has the unfortunate task of living up to the standards of the MCU movies. The Avengers game was way off the mark with bland missions, a myriad of technical issues, and characters that looked nothing like their MCU counterparts, which isn’t the studio’s fault but considering the public has known RDJ as Iron Man for a decade…it felt weird. Too weird. And now GotG is gonna have to deal with those same issues.
Is this studio better than the one behind Avengers? Maybe. This is the Deus Ex studio from Square Enix, so they know how to write a story and how to make a good game. But will the humor that made us fall in love with the films be present in this game? Remember no one gave a shit about the Guardians until the movie came out. I think the same is gonna happen with this game, and I’m leaning toward this being a very “meh” game.
#11 – Not GTA 6
This was mean.
Sony, not everyone is as smart as yours truly. I knew in the first 5 seconds this was just a GTA V port for the PS5, but there are many other smooth-brained viewers that creamed their pants thinking this was actually GTA 6. That’s fucked up Sony. I mean…I laughed, but still fucked up.
#10 – Radiohead
So I have no idea what to expect from this…game? Is it even a game? It’s apparently an interactive exhibit/game/walking sim/horror mindfuck celebrating Radiohead’s 2000 and 2001 releases: Kid A + Amnesiac. Hence the title.
But I don’t have any more info on it and I don’t really listen to Radiohead so hope it’s good and free?
#9 – THE RETURN OF THE FLASHLIGHT GUY
Ok, now we’re getting into the meat of this conference. We’re done with the mash; it’s bangers only from here on out.
Alan Wake is one of the most underrated titles from the Xbox 360 era despite being listed in many top 10s of 2010. I’m not sure how it will age considering I haven’t played it in over a decade, but this used to be one of the few games back then that felt like you were actually playing a movie. The story, the atmosphere, the scares, the screams; all some of the best I’d ever experienced in my childhood. I’m a little hesitant to go all-in since this is a remaster and not a remake, but I will be playing it nonetheless.
#8 – NATHAN DRAKE MOTHAFUCKAAAAAA
This may shock you to hear, but I actually have never played an Uncharted game. I know right? Someone who claims to be a gaming expert hasn’t even played a series that has two GOTY entries and some of the best graphics ever made?
Well…will you forgive me for not wanting to spend $500 on a PS3 that had very little else to offer? People forget that Xbox 360 won that console generation by a mile and I’m not one to play games in a series out of order. So what does any of this have to do with this announcement? Well, now that I’m on PC I will be finally able to play through this whole series in the best way possible. Stay tuned to Twitter for stream announcements.
#7 – MOM, KORRA IS ON KRACK AGAIN
If you watched this trailer and said “meh, not interested”, stop reading this blog. Throw whatever gaming device you own out the window and GET. THE FUCK. OUT.
This looks like the first true next-gen title. Almost every game that has come out over the last year probably could have run on a PS4 Pro or Xbox Series X. But this one…the graphics just look too good. When she used that water attack and then froze it into what you see in the thumbnail above? Like holy fuck, that is better than 75% of CGI effects used in film today. Not sure how long we’ll have to wait for it (I highly doubt it comes out on time) but Forspoken looks like a leap forward in many ways for gaming.
#6 – MY GUILTY PLEASURE
I know I’m super excited for the top 5 games we’re about to talk about, but truly this is my most anticipated game right now. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Ghostwire Tokyo since its reveal in 2019. I mean, it looks like a fucking anime. You even do jujitsu/ninjitsu hand motions to cast attacks to expose the spirits of your enemies and destroy them. Add to it an open-world neon-lit downtown Tokyo filled with creepy spirits and what seems like one of the more original stories in the last decade.
I’ll just come out and say it: this is my dark horse pick for Game of the Year 2022. It’s being heavily overlooked right now by everyone and you should be counting the days until it comes out.
#5 – THE BEST 2K GAME SINCE 2012’S BORDERLANDS 2
Let’s be honest: there’s really only one good game in this series. The first game is nostalgic and the last two entries have been very bland. In my opinion, this series has been carried by three characters: Claptrap, Handsome Jack, and Tiny Tina. We saw that when they tried to have Lilith carry the 3rd game and it stunk. Sure all the other characters have their pros and cons, but no one truly cared about them til Handsome Jack came around. And now that he’s dead (for now) and Claptrap is busy making lame-ass fart jokes, Tiny Tina is the only one left to carry this series.
That being said, I love what Gearbox is doing. Taking the tried and true Borderlands formula and mashing it up with Dungeons and Dragons themes? That is a genius decision by their studio head (or whatever lower-level dev actually came up with the idea lol). I’m not marking it as a “must-play” for all just yet, but I’ve personally already pre-ordered it and I rarely do that shit anymore so take what you will from that information.
#4 – THE BEST STAR WARS GAME EVER MADE IS BACK
I know for a fact my buddy Darth Purp was not watching this live because if he had, I would have had a screaming fangirl blowing up my phone all afternoon yesterday.
There is a reason for nearly two decades everyone has shit on every Star Wars game that has been released: none of them hold a candle (or saber) to KOTOR. It is the definitive Jedi/Sith simulator with a story that many argue is better than any of the movies. I’m personally not a huge fan of the combat system so I kinda hope it gets the FF7 remake treatment where you can use the old combat or a more modern RPG version of it, but really none of that matters. This is an absolute must-play whether you were alive when the first game was released or not.
#3 – SPIDER-MEN VS SYMBIOTES
They really took the name Insomniac to heart at that studio huh? Between both Spider-Man games and this year’s GOTY contender Ratchet and Clank: Rift Apart, I thought they’d take a breather for at least a little while. But nope, just right back into it with FUCKING VENOM. But it’s not Venom that excites me about this game honestly, and I’m not even really that excited for Miles and Peter to be in the same game either.
The thing that has me absolutely freaking out right now is the rumor that Kraven the Hunter is the one speaking to Venom in the teaser, which would set up this game to be a spin on one of the best arcs in Spider-Man’s entire publication history: Kraven’s Last Hunt. If they actually bring that to this game and pull it off, it will be the best superhero game ever made.
#2 – KRATOS VS THOR
We all knew from the end of the last game that Thor would be in this but that doesn’t mean seeing a flash of his hammer didn’t make my butt cheeks clench up. This is one of the pillars of the gaming world. We already know it’s gonna be phenomenal. We already know that it’s going to contend for Game of the Year 2022. We already know it’s gonna be the easiest $70 spent next year.
The only thing I guess I have to say about it that you all probably don’t already know is I think it’ll drop next June. PlayStation has a tendency to drop their biggest game every year in the summer months instead of Q3/Q4 like everyone else. Pay close attention to The Game Awards this December, because that’s most likely when the release date trailer will drop (unless it’s leaked early).
#1 – FUCKING WOLVERINE VS THE WORLD
I was not expecting this at all. It RKO’d me outta nowhere. Even a day later I’m still speechless about this announcement. I don’t really know what to say other than I have full confidence this will be just as good, if not better, than the Spider-Man games Insomniac is making.
That being said, I would not expect this for a couple years at least. My guess would be that Insomniac does take a little bit of a break and this isn’t squeezed in between now and Spider-Man 2’s 2023 release date. We’re talking 2024-2025 for this game, which is a very long way off but it doesn’t matter. It’s fucking Wolverine. It’ll be well worth the wait.