Let’s set the scene shall we?

You matched with a girl on Bumble. She messages you “hey :)” like 45 minutes later. You start talking and decide to meet up for drinks. It goes awesome. A few dates later and you’re really starting to like this girl. You invite her out for a night out with your friends and everyone clicks. She fits right in and everyone in the group likes her. Fucking awesome right?

So for the next date, you decide to get all savy. “Why don’t you come over to my place and I’ll cook us dinner?”

Side note: That is the fucking money shot. If you know how to cook and you actually like the person you’re talking to, after like 3-5 dates you absolutely need to invite them over for dinner. Works both ways; for boys and girls. It’s nearly impossible to fail and you’ll instantly be more attractive in your partner’s eyes.

She says sure. So you go to the local supermarket, spend extra to get the good brand ingredients and not the Great Value off-brand shit you usually cook and eat, snag two bottles of wine, and maybe even a few candles to cover up any “man cave scent” you might have at your place.

The night has come. She walks in the door and suddenly, even tho you’ve hung out a ton over the last month or so, you’re as nervous as you were responding to that first “hi <3” in Bumble all over again. So yea, time to drink some wine. You pour each of you a glass and get to cooking. You talk back and forth while you’re whipping up dinner and one glass of wine turns to 3.

Finally, you serve her. She loves it (or at least tells you that). You finish your meal, grab the other bottle of wine, and may your way to the couch to start a movie. She giggles as you boot up your Xbox to start up Netflix. You ask her “what’s so funny?”

She responds:


Now what?

You just invested the last month or so into getting to know this girl and she is everything you want right now. I mean you’re literally cuddled up with her under a blanket on your couch about to “watch a movie”. We all know there’s only one way this night is headed.

So what do you do?


I cannot tell you how many times in college I heard one of my boys tell me their girl said something along those lines to them. I can tell you that I personally have been told that only twice and both times I ghosted the fuck out of the girl who said it to me. It’s honestly the only thing that will make me ghost someone.

Listen, I get it. I was on a rooftop bar in Nashville about a year ago and my boy’s girlfriend, knowing I’m a huge fucking nerd, complained to me about how much she hated video games. When I asked her why she hated them so much, she said one time she spent like 2 hours getting ready for a fancy date with my boy, put on her “fancy underwear” (which I did not want to hear about), and when she showed up to his house he was still “sitting on his bed in his nasty sweaty boxers playing Call of Duty. And that’s when I lost it.”

See, now that right there is a problem. I can see entirely why she is pissed and why she hates gaming. You know how I played matchmaker? I told her she was right, mocked her bf about it when he got back, and when she went to the bathroom I told him to buy her a Nintendo Switch with Animal Crossing for her birthday this year.

Guess what? He did and they’re still together and she doesn’t hate video games anymore. I’m the mothafuckin’ Love Guru.

What girls seem to always forget is they have their own fucking annoying garbage ass sources of entertainment as well. Like TikTok. Or The Bachelor.

I have never in my life watched a single episode of the Bachelor/Bachelorette. It is the single dumbest idea for a show I have ever seen in my life. Oh yea let’s get a bunch of wannabe models together, have them all pretend they’re falling in love with the same person, he/she will pick her final suitor, they’ll get engaged, and like 2 months later they’ll break up. But hey! They’ll all be famous now and can put #BachelorS22 in their bios!

It’s fucking dumb.

And yet if a girl I was interested in asked me to watch The Bachelor with her, I would probably do it. Why? Am I now Xx_UltraSimpLord69_xX?

Um, no.

I just think that if you actually care about someone, romantically or not, you should be willing to learn and try the things that interest them. But there is a limit. All these “gamer hater” girls that I used to hang out with in college seem to want guys to just abandon everything they enjoy and magically turn into the hunks from the romcoms and reality TV shows.

Sorry ladies, but that’s just not how it works. I’m not Bryce Hall and I never will be. Speaking of Bryce Hall tho…peep the shirt.

And you shouldn’t date someone and try to transform them into someone else they’re not. It never works out. Every single relationship I’ve seen featuring a “gamer hater” girl has ended with the guy eventually breaking up with her for trying to control him. You’ve got to compromise. And I know one hour of The Bachelor every week pales in comparison to 10 hours of gaming that some of these guys are pumping out (still weak sauce to the 30-40 hours I pump out every week), but it’s a start.

Hell, game with him! Do girls not understand how big of a turn on it is to have a girl if they can play something with you? I’m not talking about playing Call of Duty or Madden (though that would be hot as fuck too), there are tons of party games that you can play with him and your friends that you will all enjoy like Jackbox, Mario Party or Mario Kart, Snipperclips, Minecraft, etc. Learn why he loves gaming while your bf learns why you love reality TV or whatever else you’re interested in. The couple that I know that has done that since college dated for like 6 years and is now married. Trust me, it works.

And if all else fails, fuck the TikTok/InstaReel thots and go find you a gamer girl. They won’t ever give you shit about doing the things you love; they’ll join you.