I had no idea today that Nintendo was doing another indies showcase today at 9 AM ET, and here’s the cliff notes: nothing looked really that interesting. Where they shined in February, I thought today’s showcase fell completely flat. So, I decided that this week I’m gonna showcase the top indie titles I’ve played this year. The thing that truly separates gamers from all the fakers is how many hours you’ve poured into Fortnite vs any other game in the world this year. I mean, I ran out of room on my post it note that I write all my games on because there’ve been so many great games from independent studios this year. It’s in indie games that you truly find the root of all that is good in the gaming industry, since these companies are pouring their heart and soul into each title. Like Celeste from last year, one of the best games I’ve played in my life. You can’t make a masterpiece like that when you’re employed by a company like EA who cares more about releasing as fast as possible and maximizing it’s profits. These companies live and die by the content they produce, so you know if someone says it’s good, you shut up and give them their money.
Let’s kick it off:
Numbuh 5: My Friend Pedro
Ah the shooter genre. So stale. So boring. Run into a room with your gun, shoot everything with a heartbeat or controlled by evil AI and move on to the next room. Ugh, they make me sick. You know what they’ve been missing all along? Bananas. That’s right. We need more bananas in video games guys. Look what they make you do! In this game, there’s this guy you see. He’s a sentient banana named Pedro. Yea, and he wants you to do horrible things to horrible people. So what does any conscious human being do when a sentient banana tells you to go pick up a gun and shoot a bunch of people? Well, you pick up a gun and you shoot a bunch of people. To showcase how much fun this game is I have payed one of the most well known fake gamers out there to play this game and give his reaction:
See, now that right there is a fake gamer. Having zero fun while destroying everything in his path with such ease. These guys are robots I tell ya. Now here, this guy, this is a real gamer. Watch how he plays games for this incredibly new and maniacal reason: fun.
You see? That’s how you play a video game. I mean it’s 2019. Who wants to play some vanilla shooter? You know what I wanna do? I wanna walk into a room dual wielding my two micro uzis, kick a frying pan into the air, unload into it like *PING PING PING POP PWAAAA* and see my bullets ricochet across the room killing 5 people, then jump on a conveniently placed oil drum that weighs enough to crush a man into a pancake and roll it down the stairs until that same man goes *SPLAT*. Then, I’m gonna do a 360 McTwist into a window where, oh no there’s alot of guys in here better engage my SLOW MO BULLETTIME THAT’S RIGHT MOTHAFUCKAS I’M JOHN WICK BAYBEE. Then I’m gonna jump into the other room and die, because this game is actually kinda difficult but rewarding at the same time. The game only lasts about 4 hours so if you haven’t bought it I would wait until it goes on sale, but it’s well worth your money.
My Friend Pedro is available on PC and Switch right now. Go cause some mayhem bitches.