Where should I begin? Well, let’s start with why there is a fucking 5-month gap between my last post and now.

If you’ve been following me for the last year or so, you know what I’ve been doing. You know why I started this website, you know what my end goal is, and you know that I would pretty much do anything to make it a reality, which I why I’ve spent literally thousands of dollars and poured thousands of hours into this over the last year and a half. Earlier this year, I got an opportunity to make that dream a reality. And I’m not posting on PartyChat again because that door is closed now; it’s not. But like the rest of the fucking world, it’s on pause.

And to be honest, I’ve been on pause myself a bit. I haven’t taken a break, mind you. Believe me, I have not taken a fucking break from this. The piles of empty energy drink cans, musty tint of kush in my house, and hours of lost sleep can attest to that. I’ve just been attacking it in a different way. I’ve taken some time to shut the fuck up, listen, learn from those that have been doing this longer than I have, and develop into (hopefully) a better blogger and content creator.

So what does that mean? Are you a softy now? Are you gonna be Unfiltered “slightly muzzled” Nerd? Fuck no.

I’m still gonna tell you how much I think Gears 5 is an overrated piece of garbage. I’m still gonna tell you EA can suck my nuts. And I’m still gonna give you an unfiltered look at how I view gaming and nerdy shit in general. I’m just going to use what I’ve learned over the last few months to do it (hopefully) in a better way. Both for you guys and for myself.

But, the world is literally on fire right now. People are dying. Chaos is reigning in the streets, in our local and federal government, and all over social media. And through it all, I’ve personally struggled with what I should do. Not that I don’t agree with every single fucking thing that is being said by black men and women across America who are finally being listened to after years and years of silencing and bigotry. I do. But I also don’t think that some white 20-something male (me) going on a social media spree calling out racists or retweeting books that he’s never read or telling people to donate to charities that he has no idea where the money goes is the right thing to do either.

So I’ve done the best thing I personally think I can do: I’ve listened. I’ve spoken up a bit here and there with things that I think any decent fucking human being should understand, but mostly I’ve let those that are educated on the issue speak while I’ve learned. I’ve listened to the passion and hurt of those not only with a bullhorn in front of them, but also the black men and women of the gaming community that have talked about their experiences in this industry. And I’ve refused to ignore what is going on in the world and taken a lot of time to self-reflect on what role I actually can play in all of this (something that I recognize I have the privilege to do while others may not).

I’m not sharing all of this with you to tell you what you should do or to receive praise or criticism of my choices over the last few weeks. I’m sharing it because I also recognize that being silent is not right either. I have a very, very, teeny tiny little platform that, let’s be honest, most of the internet and even the gaming community probably doesn’t give a fuck about. But I do think it would be wrong of me to not share with the few people that do follow me what I think.

And so, with all that being said, I’m going to use the remainder of this weekend to continue listening and learning how I can play a bigger role in all of this not just now but for the rest of my career.

So that’s all until next Monday. And believe me, you’re gonna want to be here next Monday. See you fuckers then.